I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize