Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
