How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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