Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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