I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
