What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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