I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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