Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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