I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
