i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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