there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
