literally had 100 drinks last night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
