This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
