chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
