Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
