he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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