If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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