Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
