What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When are your genitals available?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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