Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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