I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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