i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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