What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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