He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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