He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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