Dual....:-)
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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