alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
