maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
