I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
