Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
