i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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