shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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