told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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