I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
