just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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