It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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