Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
