Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
