I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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