I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
