found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
