The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
