Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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