no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
