i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
