Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
