so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
