for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
