At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
