Nicole vs. Life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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