Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
