i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize