you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
