The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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