i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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