My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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