I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it glows. i had to have it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
