And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
