so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
