I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
