I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When did angry sex become our thing?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize