I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
