Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize