Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
