Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
