Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
