fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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