That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
