Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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