it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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