She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
